i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
