AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
