OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I look excited, but its just a facade.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
