I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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