they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
the liver wants what the liver wants
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
