dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
