The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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