question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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