you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
