I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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