i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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