He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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