I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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