He kissed a someone with a penis
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
