I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
