I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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