If i come over, it means nothing
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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