Why are handjobs necessary in class?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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