Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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