Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
