Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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