Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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