only if we run a train.
done.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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