Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
