I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
