please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
