i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize