you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
