ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
