That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
do nipples grow back?
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