So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
