I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
