This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
