I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
