I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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