Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
