my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
