don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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