You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
