im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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