Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
