the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Watching her eat just hurts me
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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