I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
