____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just made out with a guy for $7.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You dont lie about slip and slides
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My life is pants optional.
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