apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
