Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
