puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
