is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
