Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Randomize
