just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
