I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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