Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
