just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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