I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
high people should be assigned attendants
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
