If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
