Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize