Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize