I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
