On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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