when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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