Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
