but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
