So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
