there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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