I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
