i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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