You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
