2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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