My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
