She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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