I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
