Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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