Kiss
Puke
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
