I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
