Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
