ugly people sure do ruin things
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
