so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
