Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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