Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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