his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
