honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
