i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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