I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
