He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Sponge bath it is.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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