My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
