Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize