Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
