I wannas sexs uuuuu
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
