Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
