well most of my day revolves around power hour
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
