My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
