YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
