they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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