so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
