I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
cat food counts as protein by the way
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
