Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
