Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so let's talk penis.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Boobs are out for the taking
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
