The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
