If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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