I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
