You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
