i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
