I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
where are you?
Hypothermia
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize